May 24, 2001 - from the candlecyberunit list - Jenn Nunley, list moderator

Saturday is my son's 9 year birthday. 9 years! It seems so long, but not long enough at the same time! My son is the ONLY thing in my life that I have worked so hard on for that long of a period of time... I move every couple of years, change jobs, change friends, change hobbies, etc. I have been married for 5 years, though, so that is a close 2nd to my son. But this morning, as I was thinking about all of the work I've put into Taylor's life, and the fact that I am now 9 years older and starting all over again, it reminded me of [PL].

When you come home from the hospital, they give you this brand new baby. You had plenty of time to prepare, but when you hold that 8 pound wad of flesh in your hands, you don't remember preparing for this AT ALL! They let you watch some videos at the hospital, and they usually show you how to feed it and bathe it, too. They show you how to dress him (I will say 'him' since mine is a boy), diaper him, and rock him. There are nurses and doctors EVERYWHERE telling you you're doing fine, you'll be great, etc., then they walk you to your car, help you put him in the baby seat...... and then they wave goodbye and you are on your own! There are people you can call, but you are still on your own for actually DOING it! You get home with this baby and think to yourself, "I know how to do this... the nurses showed me!" And then you put the diaper on backwards. Somebody eventually notices and tells you nicely. You cry and think, "I can't do this! I'm a failure!" But you cry and think this as you are diapering him again, and again, and again. Then you mix his formula wrong and he spews... do you quit? No. You threaten to! But next time you are just more careful. Your precious baby during the day suddenly turns into Linda Blair at night, screaming, spewing, red face, spitting, kicking, etc. You are so tired, but you feed him and rock him and once again he is your precious little bundle of joy... until the next night!

A few months goes by and your baby is so precious! He smiles and laughs like a real human being! He coos, watches the ceiling fan with amazement, hugs, waves, sits, etc. Did he learn all of these things on his own? No! You taught him how to do it! He says his first word, "Momma!" MOMMA! That is probably the most interesting and intelligent and exciting thing you've ever heard in your entire life! How did YOUR baby get to be so smart? He is definitely destined for greatness! Let's forget the fact that he only said it because you've been saying it to him every single day since he was born!

Now he is a year old and he is walking! Can you imagine????? WALKING!!!! He went from being a bump on a log to WALKING!!! It is only with your patience and understanding that he is able to walk. You gave him his wings, and now he can fly! And boy, does he FLY! He is into everything! He bumps and toddles and breaks and knocks and crashes! Now you wonder why you let him ever walk in the first place! He pulls your doily off the table and your grandmother's crystal candy dish drops on the floor and CRASH SHATTER! It breaks into a million pieces! And you sit on the floor with dustpan and broom, crying and shaking your head... "Why didn't I see that? I saw it.... why didn't I CATCH it???" And it seems like your world has come to an end. You call your own mother, and she reassures you, that Grandmother would not be so worried as you are and "You broke a THOUSAND worse things than that when YOU were a baby!" Thanks mom! Now I don't feel like a failure as a mother, but a failure as a child! But you get off the phone and things don't seem so bad. Then tomorrow, he grabs another doily, and..... YOU CATCH THE PORCELAIN STATUE! You SAVED the day! Now you are SUPERMOM!

And then he goes to Kindergarten and comes home with his first "Treasure word" and a note from the teacher! How could your precious baby say THAT?!?! You KNOW that he didn't learn it at home, and you're SURE he didn't mean it because he probably didn't know what it even meant! You sit him down and explain to him that it was a bad word and that he needs to not say such a word. You explain a LITTLE bit about why it's wrong and ask him never to do it again, and he doesn't (until he's a teenager, but that's another story!). You send him to school the next day, worried, but hopeful that he'll do ok today. He comes home with an apple sticker that day, and you know you're not a failure after all!

And now you find out your son has ADHD, or Tourette Syndrome, or Downs, or ... whatever. Again, you feel like a failure! It must be your fault! You must've done something when you were pregnant or when he was a baby or something. But you didn't. Some children have special needs. Do you stop parenting? No. You attend support groups and informational seminars, you join online lists, you check out websites, you go to the library or bookstore.

These trials and tribulations continue throughout parenting. Do you stop parenting? Every time you hear him say he hates you or he gets a bad mark at school, you feel like a failure, but you manage to get through it and move on to the next problem. So what I want to know is that if parenting is full of problems and failures, why does anyone do it? Because the rewards are priceless! When he kisses you, hugs you, gets an award at school, helps someone, etc., you feel like a MILLION BUCKS! When people comment on what a wonderful and thoughtful son you have, you feel successful, and you deserve to! Children learn what they live, after all!

So, now you've gotten this far, and you are wondering what this has to do with [PL]? Don't you see it?

When you are at the hospital, that is your starter show. You are so nervous and full of questions! They hand you your starter kit, give you lots of training, and wish you luck, but when you are on your own, you make a mistake. It's not a huge mistake, but you feel like it is, but you still move on. You finish your 6 shows, and you are more confident and things are moving along nicely. Then you sponsor your first toddler - I mean your first sponsor! Soon, she is walking and running on her own. You gave her her wings, and now she can fly! She bumps around and makes mistakes just like you did and you feel helpless! But then, next time you are able to help her because you start paying more attention to her needs and offering advice.

Everyday in [PL], there are trials and tribulations. What you choose to do and how you choose to react will help you succeed or fail in this business. Why do you continue with this business if there are so many trials and failures? Because the successes and rewards are great! The contests we earn each month make us feel good. Why do you continue to sponsor when your first ended up leaving PL and leaving behind so many customer service issues? Because when you get that GOOD sponsor, it is all worth it! You can see right away how she will succeed, as her own shows, bookings, and sponsors will prove. You become the proud "parent" of her as you eventually become her leader.

Do you always give her good advice? Not always. But you learn. Do you always have great shows? Not always. But you learn. Do you always get FOUR bookings? Rarely. But you learn. You learn, you take notes, you move on. When you need more help, you go to seminars, meetings, conference, join online lists, go to the library or bookstore... are you beginning to notice the similarities? Parenting is the most difficult thing people can do, but they still do it! [PL] can be difficult too, but people still do it! Do you quit? Or do you keep going?

My son has a time out to look forward to after school because of his behavior this morning. When he left, I just wanted to collapse and not do anything the rest of the day. Did I?

Jenn Nunley, TL
List Moderator

This page last updated July 06, 2005